Poly Pride

June is national Pride month. Although gays are still victims of prejudice and often discriminated against, they are beginning to win respect for their cause. Gay Pride is now celebrated in festivals and parades, and laws are slowly changing to prevent gay discrimination. Polys, by comparison, are somewhere back where gays were 100 years ago. They are still misunderstood and despised as immoral aberrations. The biological evidence that being poly or monogamous is determined by hormones is mounting with each new study. Research began in earnest when the hormones responsible for monogamous behavior were isolated by a biological study comparing monogamous viz. non-monogamous species of voles (1). Now these hormones have been demonstrated to have a similar effect on humans as they do on voles; thus hormones have been proven to determine poly vs. monogamous sexual behavior in humans (2). Therefore the biological evidence is proving some people are born monogamous, but others are born poly.

A man might think, “I'm a good moral person; I believe I can be monogamous.” However that is based on the fallacy that monogamy is a "choice." If the poor man was born poly, once his hormones start raging, he learns biology is his master, and biology proves he actually can’t be monogamous after all. (Just as biology has proven to gays they are gay when they’ve tried to be heterosexual.) I therefore believe the moral path is to have pity on poly men and women, who appear to me to be victims of ignorance and social prejudice, just as gays were and still are.

Most in the poly community say a person is not truly "polyamorous" unless they admit to all partners that they are not monogamous. While I agree that such honesty is the ideal, and I myself have adhered to this standard, I understand that just as there were gays who had difficulty accepting they were gay, there are polys facing the same prejudices. They can't be blamed for being misled by those prejudices into trying to deny their poly destiny, and promising to be monogamous, when that is not an act they are biologically capable of. Therefore I use the term “poly” to refer to anyone biologically destined toward multiple partners, such as Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer, et al., but I reserve the term "polyamory" for those who are out, at least to their partners.

I’m hoping and advocating for a poly “Stonewall” event, when polys everywhere will unite in protest against intolerance and discrimination towards polys and polyamory. When polys will stop apologizing for being poly, stop trying and failing at being monogamous, and instead demand their right to poly pride, come out of their poly closets, and declare themselves openly polyamorous.

No, this will not “destroy family values.” Polygamy, not monogamy, had been the norm for most of history. Almost all the patriarchs of the Old Testament were polygamous. Of course polyamorists want to end the gender bias in polygamy, allowing women to have multiple spouses too. Polyamorists want to legalize poly marriages. They want the possibility of larger family structures. They are totally pro-family values.

If you have condemned men like Bill Clinton for “cheating,” please realize you are largely condemning them for the biological nature they were fated to inherit. I urge you to consider this is little different than condemning gays for being born gay. Try to have sympathy for polys as you would for gays. On the other hand, if you have finally realized you’re poly, I advocate you stop apologizing for your biological destiny, stop trying and failing to be monogamous, and embrace Poly Pride.

Footnotes:
1. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3812483.stm
2. http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14641-monogamy-gene-found-in-people.html