Hi Flash,
I am very interested in pursuing this subject. It is giving me the opportunity to take a look at myself in a way I have
never done before. You are more than welcome to use this on your web site. I hope someone finds it useful.
I can understand the deception in both of my relationships, the one who deceived me and the one who is deceiving his wife. I saw no one else in the first relationship, and that is what hurt so much. In the second relationship, and I know this sounds defensive, I feel I am not cheating on anyone. That person has to deal with his wife and his own feelings. I do not impose myself in his life in any way and am not considered a threat. Am I digging a bigger hole for myself?
In your second paragraph I think you have my second relationship pegged perfectly. I know I am not the first, or will be the last, female in his life. I always wanted to ask him what he was looking for that he did not find in his wife, but felt this was not a part of our relationship and not something i should ask. I always wonder how he handles walking in and looking at his wife in the face. We never discuss our past, present, or future, just the things that deal with the two of us.
I did want to add one more relationship. It lasted for seven years and he lived in Alaska and I was in PA. I never went out with another man, or wanted to, for those seven years. He did not either. It did not end well and it took me a very long time to even want to be with someone else.
I do not consider my relationship with the married man as my primary relationship since I know it will never be more then it is at the moment. We get together, when we can, and keep in touch by email. He knows I am looking for more and he wants me to be happy and have a relationship with someone I can share my life. If I find that person, I will walk away from the married man. I want to devote, all of me, to one person and that begins with honesty and trust. I am not looking for a man who would accept a poly female.
When I said "I could not look my husband in the face..."I was speaking about my ex. He remains my best friend and we share three children. Both of us have been there for each other since our divorce. I value his opinion, trust, and knowing me better than anyone else in the world.
I might be getting to know several men, at this time, but have no desire to meet or go out with them until I know them and feel comfortable with who they are. I have to be honest, I am a bit confused as to where I stand. If I could find one man to share my life with, I would never look for another relationship or man again. Will I always be labeled a poly even though I do not want multiple men in my life?
I want to thank you, Flash, for helping me learn about myself. I will be happy to openly answer anything you would like to know. I do have one question, how did you get the name Flash? Somehow I have a difficult time thinking of you as Flash. Excuse me if I am probing where i do not belong.
Poly Lynne
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